Make sure you leave your mark (for better or worse) with this list of the top ten dirty pick up lines. No problem.
Pick up lines can be the difference between meeting a new crush or slapping someone in the face, but for all its divisions, pick up lines have remained a common thread for any memorable night on the town. Often, those who indulge in dirty pick-up lines must tread carefully between overly sentimental and downright explicit, a tightrope walk that more often than not ends in a free fall (and a thrown mouthful of vodka).
While there’s certainly a time and place for sweet lines about someone’s smile or a “hot” pun (i.e., “Is there a heater on here?”), perhaps the dirtiest pick-up lines for a guy or girl are the ones that skip the nonsense. If you’re really looking to make a mark, the risk-versus-reward ratio of a dirty pick-up line might be your best bet for landing a potential suitor, aligning with the age-old adage that well-behaved people rarely make history.
That’s why we’ve compiled a list of pickup lines so dirty, you should wash your mouth out with soap. From NSFW puns to more direct requests, here are some of the raunchiest pick-up lines to use (and likely misuse) on a would-be babe.
1. There are 206 bones in the human body, but I really wish I had 207.
Who doesn’t love the holy matrimony of cheap boner jokes? Y human anatomy. Unless they’re well-versed in osteology, the recipient of this pickup line will probably learn something as well, which is always a bone-us (sorry).
2. I’m not a meteorologist, but I’m hoping for a few more inches tonight.
Of course, this depends on the measurement systems used by the recipient of the pickup line, but even those under the metric system will appreciate the double meaning of a few more inches. Also, the current La Niña weather pattern makes this contextually relevant.
3. Do you support veganism? I have a sausage that is safe to eat.
Being aware of someone’s dietary requirements is paramount in any relationship. Check what’s on someone’s plate and apply this dirty pickup line accordingly.
4. If I were you, I would have sex with me
There’s very little ambiguity in this one, which is part of its grungy pickup-line charm. Cut out the middleman without the trappings of cheesy puns or puns.
5. It may not go down in history, but I will fall on you
Self-deprecating humor can be a powerful aphrodisiac when it comes to dirty lines for him and her too. Show them that you are humble and enthusiastic with this cheeky pick up line.
6. How do you want your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
This one veers into icky territory, but it’s still one of the classics. Also, if one way to get to someone’s heart is through their stomach, why not mention a delicious breakfast?
7. Twinkle twinkle little star, let’s have sex inside my car
For all you horny musicians out there, give them a taste of your vocal chops with this twist on a children’s lullaby. Come to think of it, what did the little star do to deserve to be desecrated like this?
8. Kissing burns 2 calories per minute. We could work out sometime
Gym friends will perk up at the mere mention of calories. Also, there has to be some way to remove the seven beers he drank moments before using this pickup line.
9. Let’s do an Australian kiss. It’s like a French kiss, but Down Under
Once again, context is everything, and there’s nothing more Aussie than completely botching a sweet act of love. Show them your patriotism with a kiss Down Under.
10. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you Betty White?
This one works in two ways, complimenting the recipient with a Betty White comparison (we support that) and setting them up for an inevitable backlash. This one won’t work if you’re actually talking to Betty White, in which case you should ditch the dirty talk altogether.