Destiny 2 Sparrows Keep Getting Dumber (In A Good Way), Here’s The Latest

Destiny 2 premium cosmetic items have really come into their own lately, especially when it comes to gear. Not too long ago, we got a whole set of woody wagon sedan-themed cosmetics, and during the latest Festival of the Lost, Destiny’s annual Halloween event, Bungie released a sparrow modeled after a giant spider, complete with movable legs. For this year’s Summer Solstice event, we have a new contender for the throne of the best cosmetic vehicle: the Crab Cycle, a motorcycle shaped like a crab.

In a somewhat disappointing development, we have confirmed that the Crab Cycle does not move faster sideways than forwards.

You can find the Crab Cycle in the Eververse Store this week, where it will cost you 800 Silver, or around $8. Like the spider-like Skitterscare Sparrow, the Crab Cycle has posable metal legs that move as you ride your magical space aerobike. Catapulting it ahead of the Skitterscare for best and most ridiculous sparrow, however, is the fact that it has claws, both on the front (where you can’t see them while driving, unfortunately) and on the back (where you can they can see them while driving, even if their location makes them an affront to nature). The Crab Cycle is also a good alternative if you’re one of those people who doesn’t get along with spiders.

Ride a giant spider into battle to strike fear into your enemies.
Ride a giant spider into battle to strike fear into your enemies.

The Crab Cycle joins a growing list of excellent and ridiculous personal transport vehicles appearing in Destiny 2. If you’re not familiar, those personal vehicles are called “sparrows”: they’re fast, maneuverable jet bikes that look more or less like speeder bikes from Return of the Jedi, hovering a few feet above the ground.

Whether the Crab Cycle is the best sparrow is a matter of personal opinion, especially as it faces stiff competition. In the “goofy animal-looking jet skis” department, there’s the Skitterscare, of course, as well as the winter-themed Polar Vortex.

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And while the Crab Cycle is at least in the running for best summer vehicle, to truly claim the crown, it must go up against the king of all sparrows: the Micro Mini.

The crab is pretty good, but come on, just look at this thing.
The crab is pretty good, but come on, just look at this thing.

Still, I already bought the Crab Cycle because I’m a fan of the crackpots in Destiny 2. For all the world-endangering extinction-level alien threats that exist in the game, it does have a decidedly nonsensical side, with all immortal superhero players running, doing dance gestures at once. In an excellent move, Bungie has even released story entries that feature alien adversaries discussing the insanity of watching Guardians do tricks and sparrow dances as they slaughter their enemies.

If only this crab bike could hold Hive Thralls in its claws, it would be perfect. Well, maybe next year.

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